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B is for Being understood, not judged
- Philippa Fairbrother
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Welcome! This article is part of an A–Z series where I’m sharing reflections on the patterns I keep seeing in teams, leadership and workplace culture.
Not theory. Not tips. Just observations from real working life.
Most people don’t want praise.
They want to feel understood.
In teams, feeling misunderstood doesn’t tend to show up in obvious ways. It’s quieter than that. People stop offering ideas. They hold back. They disengage just enough to protect themselves.
I often hear things like...
“They just don’t get me”
“No matter what I do, it’s wrong”
“There’s no point saying anything”
And the data backs this up:
In the UK, one in four employees say they don’t feel they have a voice at work, meaning their opinions aren’t heard, valued or acted on (CIPHR, UK employee voice research).
Another 22% aren’t even sure whether they’re heard or not, which tells us that almost half the workforce lacks confidence that they’re understood.
When people feel unheard, the impact is immediate and measurable. UK research shows that among employees who don’t feel listened to:
Only 29% say they enjoy their job
Just 26% feel engaged or motivated
Barely half plan to stay in their role for the next year
By contrast, among those who do feel heard:
Over 80% enjoy their job
More than 80% feel motivated and committed
Feeling understood isn’t a “nice to have”. It’s a foundation for engagement.
Once someone feels judged, they start managing how they’re seen rather than focusing on the work. They second-guess themselves. They play it safe. They conserve energy.
Leaders rarely intend this. They’re busy. They’re under pressure. They assume their intent is clear. But intent doesn’t always land the way we hope it will.
Another UK study found that 60% of employees say their voice has been ignored by managers at some point, and 83% believe people aren’t heard equally at work (HR Review, UK workplace voice survey). That sense of inequality feeds straight into disengagement and withdrawal. And it affects belonging too.
Nearly one in five UK workers say they rarely or never feel a sense of belonging at work, rising to one in three among younger employees (CIPHR employee experience statistics). Belonging isn’t about perks or policies. It comes from feeling seen, understood and accepted - not constantly assessed or judged.
Being understood usually requires slowing down.
It means asking better questions.
Listening for meaning, not just content.
Separating behaviour from intent.
Resisting the urge to fix, label or correct too quickly.
When people feel understood, something shifts. Defensiveness drops. Energy comes back. Conversations become easier and far less loaded.
You don’t have to agree with someone to understand them.
You just have to show that you’re genuinely trying.
Understanding builds trust far faster than judgement ever will.
If this resonated, it’s probably because you’re seeing it too.
Philippa x
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