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S is for Self-Awareness As The Foundation of Culture
Welcome! This article is part of an A–Z series where I’m sharing reflections on the patterns I keep seeing in teams, leadership and workplace culture.
Not theory. Not tips. Just observations from real working life.
There’s something I’ve been noticing more and more in my work with teams and leaders. When people don’t really understand the impact of their own behaviour, culture can start to feel unpredictable.
You know what I mean. You’re never quite sure which version of someone you’re going to get. Perhaps they’re perfectly reasonable most of the time, but when pressure builds they become controlling.
Maybe they’re approachable until someone challenges their thinking, and then suddenly the conversation feels very different. Or perhaps they avoid difficult conversations altogether, only for relatively small issues to become much bigger ones further down the line.
And when behaviour becomes unpredictable, people adapt.
They become more careful about what they say. They choose their moments. They talk about the issue afterwards rather than raising it in the room. They stop challenging. They make assumptions about how someone is going to react and, eventually, they may decide it’s simply easier not to say anything at all.
That’s culture too.
It’s one of the reasons I’ve come to see self-awareness as one of the foundations of a healthy culture.
We all have patterns
When I talk about self-awareness, I’m not talking about something abstract or overly psychological. I’m talking about something incredibly practical: understanding what happens to me when things get difficult.
We all have patterns, particularly under pressure. Some of us get louder. Some of us withdraw. Some of us become very task-focused and stop listening. Some of us want to fix everything immediately. Others avoid the issue because they don’t want the discomfort of conflict.
I have my own patterns too. I don’t think the answer is to pretend we don’t have them. The useful bit is recognising them.
That little moment of, “Ah, I know what’s happening here. I’m getting defensive.”
Or, “I’m trying to solve this because I’m uncomfortable with the uncertainty.”
Or even, “I think I’ve stopped listening because I’m already preparing my response.”
That awareness gives us a choice. Without it, we’re often just running the same script.
And the other thing we need to remember is that our intention isn’t necessarily the experience other people have of us. I might believe I’m being direct, while someone else experiences me as intimidating. I might think I’m giving someone space, while they experience me as disengaged. I might believe I’m asking challenging questions because I want the best for them, while they feel I’m constantly undermining their judgement.
That doesn’t necessarily mean anyone has bad intentions. It means we’re human.
But if we don’t understand the gap between what we intend and what other people experience, we can end up contributing to a culture that feels very different from the one we think we’re creating.
The numbers tell us something important
This isn’t just an interesting leadership observation. The current UK workplace data suggests that the consequences of difficult relationships and unresolved conflict are significant.
Acas’s latest research found that 44% of working-age people in Great Britain experienced conflict at work in the previous 12 months - the highest level of individual workplace conflict reported in an Acas survey.
The impact isn’t trivial:
57% of people who experienced workplace conflict reported stress, anxiety or depression as a result.
49% reported a drop in motivation or commitment.
25% reported a drop in productivity.
10% said they had taken sickness absence as a result.
10% said they resigned.
Those figures make me stop and think. Because we can sometimes talk about conflict as though it’s just an inevitable part of working life. People don’t get on. These things happen.
Of course they do. We’re never going to create workplaces where everyone agrees with everyone else all of the time.
But there’s a huge difference between healthy disagreement and a culture where people feel they have to manage other people’s reactions.
And I think that distinction matters.
What happens when people don't feel able to speak up?
One of the statistics I find particularly interesting is that, according to CIPD research, 47% of employees who experienced conflict said they simply “let it go”, while only 29% discussed it with their manager or HR.
Why?
There will be lots of reasons, of course. Sometimes the issue genuinely isn't worth pursuing. Sometimes people don't know what to do. Sometimes they don't want to make things worse.
But I also wonder how often it’s because people don’t have enough confidence that the conversation will be handled well.
That’s where self-awareness becomes much more than an individual development exercise.
If I’m a leader who becomes defensive every time somebody challenges me, people will eventually learn not to challenge me.
If I’m a manager who avoids difficult conversations, my team will eventually learn that poor behaviour can go unaddressed.
If I respond to mistakes with blame, people will become more cautious about admitting mistakes.
If I regularly interrupt people, eventually they may stop trying to get their point across.
People learn how to behave around us.
That’s a powerful thought, and sometimes a slightly uncomfortable one.
Self-awareness creates a baseline
This is why, when I work with organisations, I’m interested in creating what I think of as a baseline of self-awareness.
Not perfection. Not everyone becoming the same. Not turning people into polished versions of themselves who never get frustrated or defensive.
It’s much more about giving people a shared understanding of themselves and each other.
For example:
What happens to me when I’m under pressure?
What are my predictable triggers?
How do I tend to respond when I disagree?
What impact might my behaviour have on other people?
What do I need from others when I’m struggling?
What might other people need from me?
And perhaps the most important question: what might I be contributing to this situation?
That last question can be hard.
It’s much easier to identify what everybody else needs to change.
Self-awareness asks us to look at our own contribution first.
Not because everything is our fault. It isn’t.
But because our own behaviour is the bit we actually have some control over.
The leaders who make the biggest difference
Some of the most effective leaders I’ve worked with aren’t necessarily the most charismatic people in the room. They’re often the people who know themselves reasonably well.
They know what pushes their buttons. They understand how they behave under pressure. They recognise the effect their position has on other people. And, importantly, they can hear difficult feedback without immediately explaining why the other person has got it wrong.
That doesn’t mean they always get it right. Quite the opposite.
I think some of the best leaders I’ve worked with are comfortable saying, “I got that wrong.” Or, “I can see how that landed differently from how I intended it.” That ability to repair matters enormously.
Because I don’t think healthy culture comes from people never getting things wrong. It comes from people being able to notice, own and repair when they do. That creates something incredibly valuable: predictability.
Not predictability in the sense that everyone behaves in exactly the same way. Predictability in the sense that people have confidence in the relationships around them.
They know they can disagree without it becoming personal. They know they can raise an issue. They know that a difficult conversation doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is damaged. And that changes how people behave.
Culture isn't something we can simply announce
I think organisations sometimes look for culture change in the wrong places.
We write the values. We create the behavioural framework. We run the engagement survey. We launch the leadership programme. We have the away day - and all of those things can be useful, but culture is ultimately experienced in the everyday moments between people.
It’s the manager who chooses to listen rather than interrupt.
It’s the leader who asks, “What am I missing?”
It’s the colleague who says, “I think I got that wrong.”
It’s the person who stays in a difficult conversation rather than avoiding it.
It’s the team that can disagree without someone feeling they have to keep the peace.
Those moments might seem small, but there are thousands of them happening across an organisation every day.
That is where culture lives.
So, S is for Self-awareness
For me, self-awareness isn't about spending more time thinking about ourselves. In fact, I think it can have the opposite effect.
When I understand my own reactions, I have more capacity to be curious about yours. When I know my own triggers, I’m less likely to make them someone else’s problem. And when I understand the impact I can have, I’m more able to take responsibility for what happens between us.
That’s why I see self-awareness as such an important starting point for culture.
Not because individuals are solely responsible for organisational culture. They’re not. Systems, leadership, workload, structures, reward and organisational decisions all matter hugely.
But underneath all of those things are people interacting with people.
And if we want workplaces where people can speak honestly, challenge ideas, admit mistakes and have the conversations that need to happen, then perhaps we need to start by becoming a little more curious about ourselves.
The question I keep coming back to is a simple one: What am I bringing into the room?
Because culture isn’t something that sits above us, owned by HR or the leadership team.
We are all contributing to it. Every conversation. Every interaction. Every day.
And sometimes the most powerful culture change starts with one person becoming just a little more aware of the part they are playing.
If this resonated, it’s probably because you’re seeing it too.
Philippa x
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